stewing

Hi Sister!

It was interesting that you are severed through the middle, psychically.  I think that is part of the break inflicted on all of us - split between yellow and green chakras.  Did your healer have any idea why you were torn apart?  Was it recent, or are old wounds emerging?

I wonder if I am living a cerebral life...I can't seem to figure out how to get into this and do it!!

I have fallen off the no sugar wagon big time.  I don't feel good.  I have been sick for over two weeks, and I feel gross and grumpy and weak and out of sorts.  And the bad foods are just making it worse.  I'll get back on soon.  I am feeling better every day...And spring is finally coming. No flowers here yet, but no snow...so it's good!  Last year, my birthday commitment was strong and mostly held.  Maybe that will be my time again...

I tend to use herbs that are here.  I truly believe everything you need is where you are.  So I don't know much about kava, and I have never used it. Please let me know what you think...

I suppose I know the kids do not pay us back for parenting them.  Our responsibility is to them, theirs is to the next generation.  But we have such a rocky, disconnected relationship with Mom and Dad and with family of origin.  I don't know what to do for Mom and Dad, there's nothing I can do, and Dad simply does not like me.   I don't have a good role model for what a healthy family looks like.  All I know is that I am relieved when I find I have not thoroughly lost my kids, that they still feel connected to me.

I have been reading some excerpts from a favorite author - Derrick Jensen. I started reading him about 10 years ago, and he has definitely influenced the way I think.  He isan eco-activist from northern Cali who came from a family full of sexual abuse.

He was writing about abusers who say they can't stop themselves. He points out that invariably, they can. If the police show up, they stop and speak normally and begin the abuse again later.  It has to do with control and ownership.

I figured this out years ago. I realized I never yelled at my husband, at Friends, at coworkers, no matter how stressed I was. I could control it.  I only yelled at my kids. Control and ownership.

But then he went on to compare the 1% to abusers.  They don't stop, they don't mind killing, they seem to feel they own and control all the resources, including our species.  It was pretty chilling, and I think he is onto a truth.  He talked about the Nazis and their desire to kill anyone they could not control.

I fear for our planet, yet I still feel like humanity and humaneness can prevail.  Love wins in the end...

This is wjere I am stewing tonight!!

Love and hugs to you,

Clare