Went to bed last night determined to submerge myself in the swamp and see what happened. And I tried. But I couldn't submerge myself. Instead I found I was being blocked by something hard beneath my feet. So I started rooting through the muck with my hands and found bones.
I heard, "These are the bones of your ancestors." which made sense. They were abused, then they abused, with violence and dysfunction pushing onward and upward through the generations.
I freaked out a little and began tossing the bones away from myself. They were landing in the grass next to the swamp. Wild animals came out of the trees and started tearing the bones to shreds. They were snarling at the bones. And I was afraid...really afraid. But a quote I read recently sounded in my mind:
If the white man had never come here this country would still be like it was. It would be all pure here. You call it "wild". But it really wasn't wild. It was free. Animals aren't wild, they're just free. And that's the way we were. You called us "wild". You called us "savages". But we were just free!
-Leon Shenandoah, Tadodaho
Six Nations Confederacy
I was afraid of the wild animals, but maybe I am really afraid of freedom, of being free. Maybe I feel safer here in the swamp - because in my vision the swamp is not too very big any more. From last night's perspective, I should be able to climb with no problems at all. But I haven't...
So I will go back again tonight and see if there's any more progress to be made.
Love you, Clare
No comments:
Post a Comment