transitions

Clare,
Maybe you are at a transition point...
maybe you are about to give birth to a new life...
your own...
but, perhaps you aren't meant to go this alone...
I am here...
but not physically supporting you...
perhaps you need to reach out to someone closer to you to help you through.
I worry that this process might overwhelm and subsequently cause you to retreat without someone supporting you along the way...
I have my wise friend who I speak with on a regular basis...
she cuts through my bullshit and refocuses me...
just think about reaching out to someone for support.

I sat yesterday, in the quiet and tried to imagine a swamp...
I was able to reach a very calm state...
but unable to imagine the swamp...
perhaps it isn't my time to enter there...

Another interesting thing that I heard recently about compassion meditation is that there are several groups working with veterans with PTSD using compassion meditation with promising results. The brain can heal from trauma...it just takes patience and kindness.

So last week my semester began...
and then I got sick and took the past 5 days to recuperate...
tomorrow it begins, full force.
I am excited, but I have come to realize that while the education has opened up avenues of understanding that I wouldn't have accessed so easily, it is a distraction from the real work that I have to do. I need to give myself the time to work through all levels of my blockages and open myself to life.

I never realized that this journey would be so challenging...I did have a sense that it wouldn't be easy...but I failed to understand how my ego sabotages my efforts...by interesting me in projects and opportunities...all of which feed my intellectual appetite...but ultimately distract me from regaining my health.
I once had a counselor who told me that I, "create chaos"...I didn't understand him at the time but have realized that I take on so many challenges that I have no time for myself and reflection and truly walking the path...

Blessings,
Maggie