that still, small voice...

Being alone has good points and some not so good points...
I love the temporary reprieve from the chaos and responsibility.
When I was separated I yearned to be alone...
to be able to work things out in my head...
but I always had at least one of my children with me.
I enjoyed going to a friend's house...
relaxing because the energy and my responsibility was very different there...
it was a retreat for me...
I think daughter #2 was afraid to leave me alone during that time...

I am reading a book, A Stroke of Insight, about a neuroanatomist who experiences a cerebral hemorrhage, losing the function of her left brain, she talks about the peace and connection to the universe that she experienced without the left brain interfering.
Anyway, 2 days after the stroke her mother comes to stay with her...enters the hospital room and immediately cradles her as she would an infant...the author remembers it vividly and with great emotion...she was neurologically an infant and her mother responded perfectly to her condition. i sat and sobbed reading that passage...I ached to have a mother wrap her arms around me and just be with me...literally ached from the inside. The author talked about being one of 3 children and not having alot of one on one time with her Mom as a child...she communicated such gratitude for the opportunity to have this time with her mom, even though it meant that she was seriously debilitated physically.
I remember reading a Carolyn Myss book once and a women who was disabled spoke of the incredible gift the disability was because she slowed down and accepted help from others...instead of being independent...
I have often feared that, if I don't learn to reach out and ask for or accept help from others I will learn through an illness or disability. It just seems like a logical outcome in my life.

You talk about being blocked in your yellow chakra...the solar plexus.
I envision my blockage is the throat chakra...seriously blocking any balance or communication between my head and heart. I need to open that channel to allow myself to truly feel and heal.
every time I sense emotional energy I can feel the constriction in my throat...when I cry (rarely) it hurts so badly in the muscles of my throat...what a mess I am.

When you talk about the swamp...and the need for a flood...remember that the swamp is incredibly fertile just as it is. I also thought of the story of Elijah...God wasn't in the fierce wind, or earthquake or fire...God was the "still, small voice"...maybe all we need it the trickle of the swamp to work through our journey. I'll hang out in the swamp with you for as long as we need to be there.
I love you,
Maggie