Letting go of a little control

"Failure to succeed is a lack of self love"
That's what flying under the radar is all about.
It's about dreaming and planning and starting...
but sabotaging the reaching of your goals.
I want to define success...every part of me wants to concretely define success...
but sometimes our greatest failures turn out to be the important triumphs or lessons...
I need to let go of the expectations...
the need to materialize and measure everything...
give up my prescribed goals and successes...
and just allow the path to open wherever it may.

I submitted a manuscript yesterday...
to a journal...
I hold the expectation that the only success in this will be publishing the article.
I have had other articles turned down previously...
It didn't end my existence...
but, this time I wrote from a place of passion...
hidden of course within scientific jargon...
I wrote of child abuse...
the pathophysiologic dysfunction resulting...
the health problems of survivors...
and the need to build strong family and community in order to prevent this cursed cycle from continuing.
The need to ask people to share their pain....to allow that 'me too' moment.
I wrote this piece out of that stream of consciousness that I experienced about a while back.
Again...I have the expectation of being published...
perhaps the process of writing it and solidifying these concepts in my head are goal enough.

I once read that the only way to fail when we hit a 'roadblock' is to stop trying...to just give up.
We are on a journey with alot of obstacles...
we need to keep walking the path...
even if it is circuitous...
even when we are afraid or confused...
even when it seems as if we are sliding back down that slippery bank into the swamp.
We have to keep taking the next step...
trusting that it brings us one step closer to health and resolution of these demons.

I joined to 50's last year...
it was indeed a huge year in my life.
I can only imagine what 51 will bring.
I only hope that I am strong enough to handle the obstacles that appear this coming year.
I think I am...I think we both are...because we have each other.

Love and Light,
Maggie