toads

Hi Maggie,

I'm glad you are getting through this week.

I remember reading about dysfunctional families once.  The author stated that 96% of families are dysfunctional.  I remember thinking,  "Show me that 4%.  I want to see healthy.  I want to see who to imitate!!"  One more thing to add to your list of unhealthiness of modern civilization.

But you are right.  We are not healthy. We do not see healthy.  We do not have access to healthy.  Even with growing my own veggies, intentionally avoiding poisons, I know there is Roundup in the rain. 

But I think the first step might be getting into our bodies.  Finding our physical selves and possibly even accepting ourselves.  Then discovering our inner playground.  I remembered, after I wrote yesterday - Anthony Bourdain says our bodies are playgrounds. I lke that better than amusement parks, because you sit passively in the roller coaster waiting to experience a rush.  But you have to climb the monkey bars with your own strength.

After writing yesterday, I started thinking about how I would like to play.  At first I was definitely blank...but then it came...dreams.

Is disease part of the suffering? Maybe disease is part of the message.  And we have to endure until we get it...

Today has been a beautiful day.  Partly because we are having beautiful weather, partly, just because.  I had the baby overnight.  Mama came to get her early, and we went apple picking for a few hours.  So we were outside, walking, moving, talking, being together. My daughter said this was the way she should start every day...

I agree.

Then I started steaming a squash for a soup for dinner, and roasted its seeds.  And I made sauer kraut...my favorite kind...with apple and ginger in it.  Then I mowed the back lawn. I got to walk in circles in the sunlight, and just think.

I have been working with keeping my heart chakra open and flowing. I can feel it. But as I was walking, trailing the mower, I started thinking about Thanksgiving and wondering what would happen if everyone had other plans, and no one was coming here this year.  I have no idea why I got stuck here, but as I took a step back to both comfort myself and laugh at myself, I felt I was trapped - locked out of my heart chakra.

So, I took a breath and I stated the truth as I know it. Whatever happens is what is supposed to happen. Everything is alright.

Then I saw the biggest toad I have seen in a long time.  It came out from under the lilac, I think, and was trying to find a safe place away from the mower.

My lawn looks like a little kid who took a scissors to his own head's hairdo!  I avoided where the toad was...

And of course, I came in to see what toad's message is.  Just as a note, a friend has a set of totem cards and did a read for me decades ago.  My grounding totem is toad.  I had completely forgotten until this afternoon.

Toads are inner strength and luck, and changing bad luck to good luck.  It poses three questions:
Am I hesitating and missing opportunities?  Am I allowing fear to hold back progress?  Have I forgotten my inner strength?

(http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/toad.htm)

Aren't these questions appropriate for me??

Off to enjoy the rest of this beautiful day.

Love and hugs...missing you!!

Clare