death all around me

Clare,
I am in awe of that level of happiness…
too happy…
What a wonderful little girl.

Rough day. Our house phone rang at 2:30 this morning…
a house phone ringing in the middle of the night is never good.
It was the barn keeper telling husband one of our mares was colicky.
He was so tired I heard him answer, "She'll be over some time today".
Needless to say, I went right over and found my friend, the barn owner walking my daughter's mare. She was so agitated and in obvious pain. She was sweating so much, steam was lifting off of her body. She didn't want to roll like most horses with colic…
she laid on he back with all 4 legs in the air…
neither of us had ever seen that before.
The vet arrived and went to work…
it became apparent that CC was very ill…
he maxed her out on meds over the next two hours and she was still in pain and in shock…
her ears and legs were ice cold from the shock.
Before my heart could understand what was happening I/we had made the decision to euthanize her…
it was only a matter of hours before the shock would kill her.
As I said good bye the tears flowed.
I was so very sad because this was not my horse…
she was bonded to my daughter and our friend, her trainer…
neither was with her as she died.
It happened so rapidly that I didn't have time to consider gathering the necessary loved ones to help her pass.
She died peacefully once the meds were given.

I came home and husband was up, getting ready for work. "How did it go?" he asked…
all I could do was cry…
it was so hard to say she is dead.
A little later I had to call my oldest daughter…
she chose this horse, CC, 13 years ago and they grew up together…
daughter was 10 and horse was 4 at the time…
the were a perfect match.
The mare intimidated me…
I wouldn't take her out of her stall alone...
but my tiny daughter was hers to protect…
CC carried her well and they learned to jump fences together…
that was their play time.
My daughter was devastated.
She felt guilt for not having been there, and she feels the loss deeply.

My herd of 6 horses is down to 2 now…
I am wondering what this means.
Am I moving away from horses in my life?
My gelding is 28 years old…he won't last too much longer.
I've learned so much from my horses…
experienced so much peace from their gentle ways…
been amused by what big scaredy-cats they are.
The chapter isn't complete, but the mare that I thought would be with me longest is gone.

Tomorrow is the funeral for the brothers, friends of husband.
We are going to the viewing and Mass…
in the church that he and I attended when visiting his parents.
I am looking forward to the nostalgia…
but will definitely be raw from today's loss.

Tomorrow is S#4's reconstructive surgery. S#5 is there with her now. I hope it all turns out well for her.

I'll visit you here tomorrow, once things settle down.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie