Tethered

Clare,
I haven't seen the party house threads yet. I skim through for names I recognize and then read.
I am saddened by the death of the theater director…I learned a lot from him.

I am meditating today…but not able to really go deep.
I feel as if I am carrying the weight of many on my shoulders today.
I had 2 clients yesterday…
and I am having trouble clearing them from my mind…
especially the one who I have seen several times.
I am trying the exercise that my Reiki healer told me…
and yet the cord is still there…
tethering me to this woman's problems.
I will have to directly address this, rather than trying to ignore it.

I had an emotional discussion with my youngest last evening. He has several friends who I am uncomfortable with…they are very evasive…express no gratitude…basically act as if I am here to serve them. He wanted to go out with them last evening, and I was going to say yes…but I was thinking of a way to teasingly ask if there were girls involved…but he cut me off, jumped down my throat, and accused me of being ignorant and closed-minded. This all became a platform for his wanting to openly get high…with our blessings. The good thing is that we repeatedly assured the other that we love each other deeply. I told him the "line in the sand" for me is breaking the law…that will not be tolerated…good bad or indifferent, the laws are set, and until they change- and he is covered by them- I will not allow it…drugs, alcohol, porn…whatever.

I asked him to invite his friends over here today. I will make a concerted effort to talk with them. We will see how it goes.

The other part of this is that husband had part of the discussion with him in the car as they drove for pizza…which left both of them angry and frustrated. Once they got home he just baled on me. My son and I went to the office to have our discussion- without him. Once we were finished, and I needed to process it, he was engulfed in a Civil War movie and watched that until it was time for a glass of wine and bed. He had headphones on. Isn't that the picture of not wanting to be part of this? Husband has been spending a lot of time on the treadmill, and meditating by himself…those are great things…but not when he just got back from a 12 hour day…and I am in the line of fire with the boys. I am alone again…not feeling real secure right now. The other night he sat on the couch next to me after walking for an hour…quickly got up and said he was going to meditate…I laughed and said, "if I did this to you you would accuse me of never spending any time with you…abandoning you." He sat back down and we talked about his work day…not the family issues. But at least he sat back down.

I am trying to figure out which of the fairy tales is my favorite. I have to think about that.

Love and Light,
Maggie