Integrating

Clare,
We hold onto the victim identity to remain sane…until it no longer works for us…until being trapped in powerlessness is more painful that moving forward. That's what the drawing "Blossoming is Bliss" was all about. Being the victim is also one side of a coin, with survivor on the other side…it still holds you in its tight grip…emotionally and physically paralyzing you.

The only way to truly be sane is to walk through the painful swampy fire-storm that we are walking…it's about gathering all of the courage that you can muster and just taking the steps into the fear and pain. The amazing thing is that as you release the painful memories …it becomes much less painful…and I have been able to reclaim certain parts of my soul that I had left behind.

You could share the Women Who Run with Wolves book with your young friend….particularly the "lost zygote" part about feeling like you were placed with the wrong parents…I have felt that so many times.

The perpetrator has made me do much thinking about our siblings who have rewritten their childhood memories. This boy is only a few years into cohesive memories…only a few years out of protective foster care…and he can't remember what he did to others and what was done to him…in a weirdly twisted way I believe the Divine is showing me how common this type of amnesia is…and to feel less frustration because of it. It's not about them lying to save face…their mind really cannot hold those memories in an accessible way. The problem is that healing is not possible without letting all of that go.

The beauty of Reiki is that the Reiki master can release that trapped energy/memory and the person doesn't have to have full recall. I have stories that flash into my mind as she is working…but the really difficult stuff is mostly just tense energy sensations moving through my body. I really do think it is miraculous for those who have been so deeply violated…perhaps it could help your young friend. If I ever get trained I would help gladly her…but that may be a year or so in the future.

I am really coming to a more integrated, peaceful state of mind and body…although I fear being split again by the stories that I am hearing. I have to trust that the Divine will offer me stability…through you, and other supportive people in my life.

My mind is fried today.
Love and Light.
Maggie