Ranting…again

I am glad that you pointed out the connections…
I was able to use that idea as a follow up blog post to last week's…thanks.

My heart breaks for your young friend.
It has taken me a long time to abandon the hope that our mother is going to somehow rise above her own wounds and see the hurt that we all experienced. It just isn't within her.
She, your friend, is going to have to arrive at the realization that her mother is a wounded soul…
unable to bear any more trauma…
even if it vicariously through listening to her own daughter's stories.
I have tried, several times, to tell mom my stories…
she listens and cries…
profusely apologizes…
Mea culpa, mea culpa…
and then asks about the weather.
I've come to understand that she is not callous or ignorant…
she is unable to face the demons that sit within her own past.
She will have to conquer them in another lifetime.
Maybe we will journey together and next time I can help her to fight these demons and triumph…
or maybe next time she will be able to open and listen to the painful trauma stories and feel empathy and compassion. But, I really don't want to come back to this level again.

I sat face to face with a sexual predator last week.
It scared me.
But, I have been placed in a unique situation where I can influence their future behavior. I might be able to stop them from deeply hurting another human being.
I am frightened, because I question my wisdom…
but, if the Divine is putting this at my feet I trust that I will be guided…
I just have to stay open and listen for guidance.

Listening to trauma stories is now my job. Even this predator has his own trauma story. He claims to have no cohesive memories from before he was 10 years old. When I suggested that something must have happened he stone cold, straight faced said, "yeah, I guess something did". When we finally unpack all of that it is going to be grueling. But he's not the only one. Each person that sits opposite me has a story of pain and suffering. It's funny, before I sought counseling and came to peace with my/our story I thought I was so unique…now I realize how common incest and abuse are…one in three…one in three have secrets that are binding them emotionally, physically and spiritually…one in three.
This is a f*%#ing epidemic and we politely let it continue! Generation after generation it continues. Almost every culture has its own "traditions" and it all stems from disconnect to the other…conceptualizing them as property…objects to be used and abused. It makes me so angry.

So, my heart breaks for your young friend. But eventually she will come to realize that there are other people who can consistently be there for her. They can teach her unconditional love and acceptance…if she can find the courage to allow herself to be seen…vulnerable. It's a scary, monumental task.

That's why most traumatized people have such inconsistent relationships…once they get too close we break them off. I am thinking of B#4 and his most recent relationship. Breaking it off when he needs support for his medical issues is classic. He is such a good person though, I wish he could see that he is using escape as an unnecessary protection…and that if he could make that leap of faith and trust his partner…he might just find that lost parent he never had.

Sorry, we aren't supposed to analyze others…forgive me if I overstepped a boundary. I only want good for him…he genuinely is a good person.

Enough of a rant for today.
Love and Light to you and yours,
Maggie