...yanking yourself back from the brink...

We do the best that we can...under specific circumstances.
We can't go back...
but if continue to dwell on those faults then we are missing the present...
which, in reality is the only thing that truly exists.
I don't think that assigning blame is necessary...
we are the product of our environment...
ours just happened to be toxic in many ways.
I remember something the Caroline Myss wrote or said,
"...the more weight you carry the longer you will have to wait."
She was talking about spiritual burdens and enlightenment
and I still pause to think about the meaning of those words.

I read something about human connection, love...
it said that there are multiple aspects of true love, one of which is deep listening and being fully present to others. It explained that we go through life looking superficially and judging based upon our past experiences, without deeply seeing the person we are so easily judging. It suggested to approach people the way that a mother approaches her crying child. She listens to the nature of the cry, looks carefully at the child, holds them in her arms and scans their whole being to understand the reason for the cry. Quite rapidly she is able to understand and respond appropriately, calming and tending to the baby's need. Just her presence and attention already begin to calm the child. This book suggests approaching first our loved ones in this manner and then when we are more comfortable extending it to friends and extended family and gradually to all. The book was written by a Buddhist monk.

So, when are you going to forgive and love yourself? You hold so much anger against yourself that it tethers you and keeps you floundering. You go through cycles of self love and discovery and then self-loathing and abuse. Perhaps you are frightened by the discovery and you use the berating as a  "flagellation", like some priests do when the are tempted by human desire (I am not sure that they still do that in 2013).  I wonder if you are on the verge of your nobility when you yank yourself back from the brink of discovery?

I spent my morning at baseball, and afternoon mulching and mowing...my body wants to find horizontal and just lie still, but the kids are out and need to be picked up.

Until tomorrow,
Maggie