hi slow-poke,
so glad you are taking time to breathe. the splint was removed today. i saw my wrist. it looked like a dead fish - all golden greenish and floppy. i was a little distressed.
i am in distress. emotional and physical. my wrist aches from all the prodding and pulling today. i'm not sleeping well. the house is chaos around me. but i'm also feeling out of control and dissociated, bodily. i don't like me, but i don't know how to be anyone else. i want to be a different me.
i think part of my problem is that the achiness and lack of sleep is making me look older. i am struggling with that. i am struggling with my lack of connection with my body.
i want to be beautiful, but since i never have been, i don't know how to be. so i want to retreat and hide. but i am so tired of hiding. i am at war with myself.
i know what to do, but i can't seem to engage my body with my spirit, and so i wallow.
i'm teary. all the pain is catching up with my exhaustion. i think i need to sleep.
i love you,
clare
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