direction and chaos and other light subjects

as always, you make thought-provoking points. at meeting, sometimes the disconnect is simply being tired.  sometimes we are not truly a community.  i often feel a lack of unity, or of a sense of being joined.  but many times i think it comes down to our ongoing attempts to be egalitarian.  no one wants to step forward, tell others what to do, to be a leader/boss.  so everyone is sort of waiting for direction.  we have been talking about and trying to develop the gift of eldering, of spiritual companionship, in our regional meeting.  part of that is the gift of discerning and naming friend's gifts.  when we have an idea of what our gifts are, it is easier to serve.

maybe instead of a cooperation/competition issue, it is really lack of direction.  and exhaustion.

the reason we love a select group is because they are the people who show up!

i was thinking about chaos once, and realized that chaos is that moment when all possibilities are...possible.  once you make a decision, chaos diminishes.  it is frightening to have everything flying at you, circling around you, at once.  but it's exciting.  our problem is that the chaos of an alcoholic home taught us to control as much as possible, and to fear chaos.  or else we got lost in the chaos and never found our way out...not sure which i am.  either way, it is frightening.

i do not need to have surgery.  it was such a relief to hear that.  i really felt the weight lifting.  i have been using herbs aggressively - it's fun to treat someone who does what i say!  apparently it is healing fast.  i go back in a week to have it casted - for a month.  then a brace and physical therapy.  i need to confer with my granddaughter about the color of the cast.  i do believe there is a plan involving sparkles for decorating me.

i have been sitting and holding the teeny one.  she has such spirit.  i can feel it streaming out of her.  i am remembering mine when they were tiny.  i feel warm and cozy, yet sad - i miss it.

gotta find a plastic bag and duct tape so i can shower.

love you,  clare