i think i have also heard that dad enlisted before he was old enough...and he was 19 when he was shot. i do think that his criticism of our intelligence stems from the messages he received. he felt stupid and so we are all stupid. and i think because he couldn't berate mom, he took it out on us.
there was a noose in that attic...maybe someone did die there. and the house was haunted and the graveyard was spooky. i used to race to my room and huddle on the bed until i was calm enough to lie down, and eventually sleep. maybe that is why i read so much - escaping my thoughts!
i had a doctor's appointment yesterday. i am healing well. the cast comes off june 6.
your second post set off a lot of thoughts. i don't know if i will be able to find words...but i'll try.
your words triggered an old, often heard message: who do you think you are? the unspoken message is - you're not as good as you think you are. this statement is meant to take our pride, to keep us from feeling too good about ourselves, to keep us in our place. why is pride a deadly sin?
so why are we most comfortable feeling bad about ourselves? i know i am. there's a comfort in beating myself up.
what are my noble aspects?
maybe we need others to tell us...
maybe if no one looks at us, truly sees us, we can't know what our gifts are. so when we spend our early years being ignored, or worse, abused, we never know, we never believe. if those who produce and protect us think we are not worth much, that becomes our truth.
how do we find our noble self? does it shine through in ways we don't notice? can we find it when it is over 50 years deep in our psyche?
i know i will continue thinking about this...love you,
clare
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