dad

ben and jerry's once in awhile - indulgence.  enjoy it, savor it - even if you eat two whole cups.  every day - you got a problem!  i watched a film once where the main character is told she is going to die.  she talked about the things she should have done, and should have eaten.  remember to savor...my favorite is chunky monkey!!

my biggest problem today is that there is no one here to tie my shoes.  i want to go for a walk...oh well.  life could be worse.

what do i remember about dad?  when i try to remember the stories mom and pop told, they seemed to be about their oldest son and second daughter...i remember the story that when grandma's mother died, her siblings came and moved the whole family into the family home so someone could take care of her father.  they both said they were very happy on the farm, and both resented being forced to move - even into their old age.  when great-grandpa died, our dad was about 6 years old.  he got moved into his grandpa's room, and into his grandpa's bed.  grandpa came back every night and tried to force the little boy to leave his bed.  his parents did not coddle nor listen to him.  he was forced to stay there alone in the dark with his terror.

sweeter stories involved dad remembering walking the oil leases on the backs of pop's snowshoes.

dad had either scarlet fever or rheumatic fever at some point - maybe late elementary school.  he ended up missing a year, and so he was older than his classmates.  i have the impression he thought, or was told, he was stupid.  he never seemed to tell a story about liking school.  he told stories of pushing apples in the janitor's tail pipe, so they could hear him swear in swedish when he started his car.  he quit school as soon as he could, and enlisted in the army.

i know he had at least one other girlfriend, someone named priscilla.  family lore says he wanted that to be my name. mom said no.  the other story is that is was supposed to be a boy, and they didn't consider girls' names until the last few days.

mom  met aunt mj when they were in high school, and they became close friends.  and her family shared a duplex next to b & h.  someone in the family encouraged mom and dad to write to each other - he was stationed somewhere far away.  mom was in nursing school at this point.

he did serve in the korean war when he was 19.  he was shot, you can still see the scars - in the front, out the back - where i think it was removed.  debbie reynolds visited the wounded soldiers, so he briefly met her - but he always thought suzanne pleshette was hotter.  there was another adventure - he was an extra in a war film when he was stationed in germany.  i saw the film, and near the end there is a group of soldiers in the distance standing by the woods.  he is one of them.  for the life of me, i don't remember the name of the film.

they got married just after mom graduated.  she said once that most of the wedding plans were made by her mom and sisters, or at a distance.  they moved to georgia, had a bulldog or boxer named sarge, got transferred to germany and came home with me.

all my next memories are of annual moves and annual babies.  what seems important, next, is that when he lived at the gap he requested a transfer back to germany.  he wanted to take the whole family.  instead he was sent to vietnam.

he came home different - worse - angry - he drank a lot.  he decided to retire from the army.  then came a series of jobs he hated - i remember one at the steel mill.  then he found the position as a police officer - we moved again - and things seemed more stable.  he earned his ged at some point, then took some classes at a local college.

remember when we helped settle the vietnamese family in town?  and you had a vietnamese friend?  dad left the house one day.  i followed a little later.  he was sitting on the porch swing, staring.  he said,  "when i see those kids, i remember everything that happened to our boys..."  i don't think he ever said anything more about the war.  but he was always different.

i left after that...the rest of the story is yours...

one other thing i remember, he told me that when he reads military histories, he often knows what will happen before he turns the page.

and we have they grumpy-grampy stories!

memories?  insight?

love you,

clare