Hi Maggie,
I am glad you two made a connection. It's like velcro, I think, one little hook at a time. I think you both want it to be connected.. Perhaps, this will teach him not to give up every time there is a conflict.
My neighbor called while I was writing last night, and distracted me. The ending was going to be a suggestion for you to look at ACA - Adult Children of Alcoholics - and maybe attend a few meetings. Seeing our patterns in other families is freeing and eye opening.
This weekend S#3 and I and her brood and some of mine, my three youngest kids and a few extras, all met at my friend's cottage. We had a picnic on the dock out on the lake. My friend was running and jumping off the dock with the kids. S#3 and I were watching kids and...well, mostly watching the kids. S#3 said later she wondered when she lost her sense of fun. When she stopped jumping. She said she goes in the pool at home, but she sedately climbs down the stairs to get in.
I was wondering when we became old. When we started watching rather than playing. It is partly years of being responsible.
As my friend was getting ready for a leap, she looked at me and said, "I'm just a big kid." She is lucky!
And so, S#3 and I have made a commitment to my friend. S#3 is coming to visit again in two weeks, sans kids. We are going to jump off the dock.
In two weeks, I am going to do another wine dinner. I am making a meal, and guests will go wine tasting, and bring wines for each course. If you would like to come, I would love to have you here. I know your schedule does not usually permit...
I think this is fun. And it is a way I play. I love getting lost in designing menus.
But I need more exuberant, less cerebral play.
Your second paragraph described vulnerability so well. There is so much pain, yet so much joy, in being open...
Maybe, start playing Mick, softly in the background at home...You don't always get what you want...then, subliminally, NO will lose its power...just maybe!!
Love and hugs from Clare
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