Clare,
Thanks for the feedback…
I have to say that I am wanting to make this work…
and to fail at the same time.
It is so much harder than I ever thought it would be…
rejection sucks…
connection is a struggle…
opening up is excruciating…
on both ends.
The young man has a 300 word essay to write tonight…
a This I believe essay.
I let him hear Muhammed Ali This I Believe essay recording…
basically believing in himself above all else.
My young man keeps offering ideas…
none of them are his…
polytheism, believing in relationship- not stuff, vegetarianism, etc…
(he had to ask the definition of polytheism- but wants to write an essay on why this is a core belief of his)
I gently pointed out his habit of parroting back what others have said to him…
showing a distrust in himself…
and then he added, "I don't even know myself. How can I believe in things?"
Major insight…
good connection.
One step forward.
Now I wait to see the 3 steps back- push away that comes with even brief connection.
This is so much harder than I ever imagined.
I told him that I need this to be different…
we both agreed we need this to be different.
We need to listen…we agreed on that.
I need flexibility…he agreed with that…so does he.
We both need to be seen and heard.
As far as shared values I agree that he doesn't share our values. I also feel that we have the ability to show him good nutrition, money management, study habits, budgeting of time and resources…
that's what the constant fighting is about.
He doesn't want to be controlled.
We need cooperation.
I honestly think its more about control than the specific topic of contention/discussion.
We need to listen to each other…
stop reacting.
My youngest is calmer…
but still demanding…
especially when I don't say yes.
The word no seems to be the universal trigger for all of us.
When will we grow up and see no isn't the worst thing in life?
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
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