my guts hurt...

Clare,

I read and understand…
I want to change this pattern…
I  talked with friends this morning…
I came home intending to begin a dialogue about compromise and listening…
and then a wave of nausea hit me.
I am sick each time I come into my house…
tension…
makes my guts hurt.
I don't know how to step off this merry go round.
My friend told me my only job is to love this kid.
So do I stop caring about the details?
Do I not make sure he eats well, sleeps, bathes, takes his meds, does his homework?
What does that mean?
I now have husband asking him to do simple tasks, as above…
and he happily does them.
The negativity is directed at me.
I don't know what 'just love him' look alike without being invested in the end product.
That is who I am.

The tone of the conversation was to allow him to say his peace…
bring up the issues that are making him resistant…
he has plenty to say when it's just he and I…
it was just complaining to another person that created the reluctance.
I believe the pressure from the director is to get him to understand his need to open and invest himself here and now…
or at least in the near future.

I do understand your point. But, if this is a microcosm of the big picture then this has to be handled from both sides. I cannot give all, nor can he…
we have to meet in the middle and compromise.
Right now its looking like an all or nothing.

My youngest's team won the game. It was the first time I've seen them win a game. He played well. No one was hurt in the game. Life is good.

I'm off to consider my life and the next steps.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie