a step forward

Clare,

So we had some forward steps yesterday here. My young man and I were able to come to an agreement that when one of us needs a break, we say,"I need space." and the other will step away. My young man admitted to continuing to fuel the fire to keep my attention…
he escalates conversation into battle to keep me engaged…
when I finally "lose it" and direct him to his room, the refusal is because he's hearing "I don't want you" instead of "give me space before I do something I'll regret". We were able to agree to walk away and then re-engage once our hearts were calm again.
We shall see how this plays out.

We went to family therapy last night. He was able to identify that he may be disrespectful towards women. He was able to see there is a difference between his interactions with me compared with husband's. I was able to see my misunderstanding of his reactions. I didn't realize how desperately he wants to be seen and heard. The only problem with that is that to him being seen and heard equates with getting what he wants.

Last night as we drove home he once again tried to bargain for his cell phone's return to him. He wants a date of return. "If I behave X days then you'll give me the phone"
I want a building of trust.
I told him there is no deadline.
It will be given to him when husband and I feel comfortable that he will act in a trustworthy manner…
Do what you say you're going to do.
Be a man of your word.
Then you will have additional privileges.
He had his tablets returned to him on Sunday and there is a noticeable difference in his activities. He hasn't picked up a book since…
he's internet browsing constantly.
I wish we didn't have internet here.

So…
some positive steps.
Families are challenging.
I sometimes want to stop the boat and get off on an island where I am alone.
That sounds like paradise.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie