so many layers

Clare,

I spoke with Mom today. She is optimistic that chemo will take care of everything. She threw in a side-note as well…
Papa's aneurysm is leaking so they have to also see a vascular surgeon.
I told her a bit of what's going on here…
but felt like I was dumping.

We had more problems with the young man…
he ordered something from AT&T which was delivered and he wanted my youngest to hide it in his room to avoid questions. We asked him to open it with us and explain. It was a $45 prepaid card for a cell phone. He paid $91 total, so I don't know if the extra is for expedited shipping? Anyway, he told us he ordered it for a friend who asked him to help her. He told us her name and that she has been one of his best friends for years…
we've never heard him speak about her.
I told him that we need to know what she is doing in return for this "gift"…
is there drugs, sex, a cell phone, a ride outta here?
He remained silent.

He skipped 2 hours of school yesterday morning…
just walking around town…
stopped at a friend's house…
why wasn't he (the friend) in school? was our question…
"he's a dropout"…
not a great choice young one.
Grounded for a week…
once again.

We are the one's a fault in his eyes…
no, correction, I am the one at fault…
I am pushing him too far in relationships.
After he returned to school he told the guidance counselor we force him to do family things too much.
The counselor told our caseworker that he felt keeping the young man in his old district might be a bad idea…
he feels it's isolating him more because of the distance from friends.
We are considering sending him to the parochial school that our youngest goes to. Perhaps a major change will break the dysfunctional cycle we are in.

I had massage and reiki today…
the reiki guide sent me a message to "restrict your voice and stay open"…
what does that mean?
Probably shut up and listen.
The reiki guide was stitching something closed around my throat.
Perhaps she is adding a filter…
a filter of compassion…
I don't know.

There are so many layers to this relationship.
It's exhausting to keep up with it all.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie