baby steps

Hey Maggie,

I'll say it again - you are birthing a family - two steps forward, one step back. Overall there is forward movement.  I also think that without the forward movement, we would give up.

I just remembered a technique I used with mine...they hated it, but it was very effective.  Instead of telling them where they screwed up, and basically lecturing them, or talking at them - ask him to describe it all to you. Your job is to ask the questions that elicit the full story.

They can't roll their eyes or tune you out.  They are the ones that are talking.

Then your job is to qualify the effects of their behavior.  I constantly asked them what kind of person they wanted to be.  And would that person do this...whatever transgression we were discussing.

Finally, with your boy, ask him if he wants to be dishonest, if he wants to be a liar, if he wants to be someone who can not be trusted.  Because every time he lies to you, he is making a choice to be that man.  Each decision is important.  If forms us. And every time he lies and sneaks around, he is making a statement that he needs to be policed.

My youngest got a puppy. Well, her in-laws got a puppy, which I think was intended for her little family.  And the subterfuge worked. She was here with the dog this evening, when she asked where the other dog came from.  I looked behind me and there was a beautiful black pup.  It turned out she belongs to a neighbor.  But I am full of puppy energy...

While we were out back, a blue heron flew low over the yard.  I looked up and said the name of my friend who died young of cancer.  My daughter acknowledged that truth then reminded me my friend's birthday was yesterday. I forgot for the first time since she passed.  So I have to go and write notes to her parents, so they know their beautiful girl lives on in our hearts.

I felt sad, but a different kind of sad.  I think it has been 10 years since she died.

Wow...

Love and hugs from Clare