scattered toys

Hi Maggie,

It's so nice to hear you so excited about life.

About the forgetting...I do that when I am under a lot of stress.  I was supposed to go to an extended worship tomorrow, but things have been crazy and I agreed to help a kid and then I remembered I had another commitment...

I can remember past periods where I forgot meetings, I forgot to make calls - I just was not following through. That is not like me.  Every time, though, I realized there was something painfully stressful happening in my life.  Once the stress released, memory returned.

Oh well, if it's dementia, have fun. My late mother-in-law suffered dementia in the end, and became a little naughty.  She was delighting in shocking my daughters with stories of her exploits.  They treasure those moments, when she was most real!

Not sure what the definition of beauty is, and I'm still not owning it. I will be gracious, and say I believe you see something I don't, and that maybe it is there, but I am not whole enough to own it yet.

But I think I am getting closer.

It's just that owning it makes me vulnerable - in ways I don't understand, but which scare the crap out of me!

At this age, we all bear scars. Yours are more vivid and violent than most.  But you are right - they are the scars that prove you have survived.  You have a will to be reckoned with.  

I definitely want Reiki from you. Make an appointment..and don't forget me! I look forward to hearing what you learn!

I had a dream last night that seems to have a message...not sure what, yet. I had to go to the town where Aunt MJ lives.  I'm not sure why.  When it was time to head home, I was exhausted. I didn't think I could make it all the way home. I thought maybe I could spend the night in our grandparent's home on the hill. As I got there, I saw a thick black substance covering the house.  I could "see" it filling each room. I started to feel like I was suffocating.  I knew I could not go there, it was bad. So I continued to the house Mom and Dad lived in for so many years.  I got there, and it was light and opened, and littered with toys.  I could hear snoring, and thought B#4 was asleep upstairs.  I decided to go to the bathroom - more toys, then move more of the toys and sleep on the couch.

Toys scattered seem to be littered remains of our childhood.  The fact that the space was light and open seems welcoming. Maybe I am coming to a place of peace with our childhood trauma. Maybe I am seeing something new.  Maybe I'm ready to see some of the joyful moments - because it was not all bad...

Quiet weekend here. Grocery shopping, time with grandchildren...Next weekend S#3will be here without kids. Big girl birthday time...wanna come???

Love and hugs from Clare