conflicting emotions

Clare,

I'm sorry, I've been AWOL…
it's been an challenging weekend.

We had the older young man this weekend, the younger was grounded. As I picked them up I was met by two staff members who solemnly told me the young men's mother passed away last week. Ir was a weekend of reflection, some emotions, but not a lot. It is hard to read the emotional reaction. They will need to work through this over time.

I read your posts and feel overwhelmed by your anger and frustration.
We were raised to be "less than"…
I think the parents thought that would be prepare us to not expect too much or be disappointed-
or hurt…
the bottom line is that that kind of rearing is hurtful.
I am trying to make sense of your last 3 posts, but am overwhelmed by my own household…
sons who are fighting for independence and power…
starting a new job…
taking on new children…
trying to maintain a relationship that grows with husband…
sometimes I feel like "stop the world I want to get off".

I am tired of fighting and trying to convince people to do the right thing.
I'm tired of being disrespected by my own kids.
I'm afraid I am turning into papa Delana- ready to be done- sick of trying.
I promised myself I would not break the will of my children…
I would allow them to grow and become fully who they are meant to be…
and yet their strong personalities frustrate me at times.

Sorry, I'm in a tough place tonight…
conflicting emotions and no where to go with them.
I hate indecision…
I have to find a way to surrender this.
I have to find a way to come to terms with the demands.
or I'll break down.

I'll be back tomorrow.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie