venting continues

It is an epidemic.  If you start looking at statistics - baby girls aborted, baby girls abandoned, exposed, left to die.  Baby girls not fed in favor of male children.  Girls not educated. Girls not valued. Instead - shamed, humiliated, raped, violated.

Women without health care.  Six weeks of maternity leave with no pay. It is cruel.

What we value we support.  We do not value the female.

It ties directly into the way we continue to rape the planet.  This planet is female.  The low esteem we have for female is reflected in the ongoing rape of the planet...this gloriously beautiful, abundant, generous, luscious planet...

And we abuse ourselves.  I watched a video where a woman asked other women to describe their bodies in on e word.  The most common word was "Disgusting."

I feel it.  I know it. I am disgusting.  I have allowed myself to be possessed by the crazy of this culture...a culture that  loathes female.

I understand that I am not as valuable as a man. I accept it.  Deep inside, I accept it, even though logically, and as the mother of daughters, I do not.

I read the piece you sent me. I saw myself there. I never told - because why bother?  I knew being raped was my fault, and it was my responsibility to make sure it never happened again. I became invisible...

I knew it was my fault.  How dare I have boobs???

The venting continues.  As I write, I have a girl-child asleep on my knees.  She wouldn't relax and go to sleep without being held. And so I have her in contact with me...I wish I had been this patient with my own babies...

I thought about your comments about alcoholism and which generations are active.  I suppose I should keep my comments to myself when I don't know the situation.  But I do feel like S#4's youngest two are more...maybe secure...than the rest of the kids. I still think it could be because of that extended family.

Maybe the alcoholism in our family was made so much more hurtful because we had no extended family to step in and remind us that we were okay, and let us know that maybe our family lifestyle was not...

Exhaustion has slammed into me...

Love and hugs until tomorrow,

Clare