swamp-pus

Hi Mags,

If I am correct, you are driving home today.  Drive safe, little sister.

I feel like all the news has the potential to trigger our family.  Will we talk?

I have been reading about Josh Duggar molesting his sisters.  And then there was another story of a large homeschooled family from South Carolina where 4 of 6 brothers have been sentenced to prison for molesting a sister from aged 4 through 15.  In that family other members are facing trials for knowing about the abuse and ignoring it.  And the other two brothers will probably be found guilty, too.

I felt guilty when I read about other family members knowing and doing nothing.  I knew something was happening.  In the story, though, the mother witnessed the abuse and did nothing.  I never witnessed anything, I just knew something was happening.  And I don't know what I could have done. Telling Mom would not have helped.  She would have dismissed it as kid stuff.  Now I know she would have been withdrawing because of her own panicked fear of sexuality.  Telling Dad - yeah, like he was around.  And, he would have freaked at me, blamed me, lashed out at me.  Told a neighbor?  They sat out and talked about how sad it was that the other neighbor's older son was forcing his younger siblings to blow him...I remember...the mom shook her head and asked,  "He's at it again?" 

No one has any power...fear petrifies us.  I think all the adults around us were panicked from what had happened to them...

And with both the stories mentioned above - people are carrying on about fundamentalist hypocrites and these monster sons.  Yeah, if we demonize a population - the fundies - then it's not us. We are safe because we aren't them.  And then, because the problem is with a small group, we don't have to face the larger problem, the women and children and men around us being routinely abused in the dark, and kept invisible through appearing normal during the day.

And we're going to completely ignore the fact that rapists learned their behavior somewhere.  If we don't look at what daddy did to those families, then we don't have to think about our own experiences at the hands of daddy or  uncle or some other power figure in this sick patriarchy.

I also read about the murder of a feminist activist at a conservative university. And the young men are cheering. 

This is all coming to a head. We have to look at it. I don't understand why these young men are so afraid. Are they afraid to grow up and be men?  Adult men control themselves, they nurture and protect. They communicate with others and are not afraid that compromise weakens them.  Adult men can see bare legs and admire them, maybe, but not ever consider the thought that they have the right to objectify and sexually use any female that draws their attention. And then to blame their self-centered entitled childishness on women...weakness...and if we face patriarchy and bring it back into balance with matriarchy, they won't be able to do anything they please...life will have consequences...for men.

So maybe, with these stories, we will pop the boil, and doggie paddle in the pus struggling to keep our heads out of the mess...But maybe facing this is the beginning of healing. 

How much longer though, until the exact same stories come out about families like ours...Nice Irish Catholic families who are part of the community?

Will we talk about this in Delana-land? Or will we ignore the story?  Pretend this just doesn't exist?

I love you,  I wait for your return...

Love and hugs from Clare