scapegoat

Hi Maggie,

This will be a quick check in before I leave for the weekend. I had one of my strange nights and wanted to record it before I forgot.

When I was in high school, I read a lot of Elizabeth Goudge.  She was definitely one of my favorite authors. She wrote a book that had a peripheral character - the scapegoat or death-eater.  There was one person who was  excluded from society, who lived poor and on the edges.  When someone died, this poor person was called to eat a meal from the chest of the dead body.  In so doing, the scapegoat assumed the sins of the recently deceased - who could then go to heaven.  Apparently this was a true Medieval custom.

Last night, when I could not sleep, I was thinking about the curled aspect of self that I recently recovered from inside my ribs.  I realized she is the scapegoat.  She remembers every bad things I ever did, every rude or cruel word.  She even took the blame for some things other people did.  She is the scared, hiding me who is always wrong, always bad and always afraid.

I was trying to hold her, comfort her, but she was trying to twine up my body and I think hide behind my neck.  I finally got her to relax in my arms.

This is weird to write...even weirder in the middle of the night...

Love and hugs from Clare

Have a fun weekend...