The Ah-ha moment hasn't really come yet...
while I get it...in my head...
I am still terrified to get it into my heart.
I am terrified that I will become innocent and open again....vulnerable...
and be hurt again...
so I continue to hide the essence of my innocence and trust...
imprison it because that's what I've always done...
and even though that hurts me in many ways...I know that option...
If I opt to open that up...truly open it...only God knows what will happen.
My wise friend told me that I have survived so much hurt to this point in my life, I can survive this.
And she assured me that this would be very good...orgasmically good when it finally breaks open.
(I love the way that she describes things). I trust her, as I trust you...and I know the time is coming for this opening to occur...I just have to be open to the possibility...and not try to intellectualize my way out of it.
I think that the AVP program is something that I will do in the future. I need to finish this degree right now.
I do think walking with you would be good...can we pick a weekend in spring?
I hate putting my life on hold like this...but I am so close to the end of this degree...
Meeting you here will have to suffice until Spring.
I love you,
Maggie
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