Because Nice Matters!

You are correct that we were not told that we were beautiful, or worthy while we were growing up...
it was about being fat...
that's the one that I remember the most.

After I left home...was in Med school Mom once referred to me as intelligent and beautiful...
but I was too scarred to believe it...
I never take a compliment...
but I hoard criticisms..
I remember anything negative that is said about me...even if it's neutral and I perceive it as negative...
I want to believe the worst.

I got a rejection letter from the journal that I submitted a manuscript to...
In it there were 3 critiques...each with a balance of positive and negative points.
I hang onto the negatives...rambling...too technical...not focused.
I have to re-read it to see that there are positive comments as well and suggestions how to improve the writing. But I keep having these thoughts; maybe I don't belong in social work because I am not writing effectively for them...self doubt...even though I have followed a path that has serendipitously opened for me, therefore I know it is correct.
Self-doubt sucks.

Years ago I put a sign in my kitchen, "Because Nice Matters".
I remind my kids that it does matter how and what you say to your siblings and others...
I don't think that we were ever taught to be nice to each other...
It's a shame because we all hurt each other so deeply that now we avoid contact and real connection.
Anyway, whenever my kids made a comment about one of the others' physical features that was negative I would stop them and point to the sign.
I only heard them use the word "fat" once and rarely tease one about being 'flat chested'...
the boys are tougher on each other, teasing about red hair,  teasing about their "privates"...but for the most part they maintain respect. I hope they don't have the same sense that I had growing up...being less than perfect in all ways.

I had an opportunity this weekend to spend time with husband.
It was a quiet and relaxed time.
It was good for both of us.
I shared with him that I am unable truly love because I am emotionally numb...
but that I am trying to become more vulnerable...
it was a good discussion...
he was great, receptive...

I hope that you are feeling better.
I hope that you didn't get too much snow.

I love you...
Maggie

I hope you danced!