It's mutual...

Hi Maggie,

Kudos for honesty.

When I wrote the column about life with children for all those years, all those years ago, I wrote one where I wondered what my life would be like if I had never had children.  I remember not even realizing that was in me, but I was scanning the possibilities I gave up when I decided to have babies.

Someone I was close to at that time, she had five homeschooled children also, and we used to trade off kids, she read that column and she thanked me. She said she had had similar stray thoughts but had never been brave enough to give them voice.  She felt so relieved that other moms had similar thoughts.

Parenting is hard. It is the most difficult job we ever accept. And our rewards are kids who hate us.  Every single one of my kids told me they hated me.  Outwardly, I acknowledged that I knew they did - they could hate me. It was okay.  Inwardly, I don't think I ever hated them, but I was equally frustrated with them. It was mutual.

I was wishing I was somewhere else, doing something that was - not this - as much as they were.

He got himself free of boarding school once...right?

What is the treatment for narcissism? How would you treat someone who asked you to be their counselor?

My old dog is losing control of her hips. She has also deepened into her dementia, and is not sure what she is supposed to do.  Every time the back door opens, she thinks she is supposed to go out.  She has begun pacing while I am working.

I am sensing that soft, spiritual feeling that comes with being with someone who is passing - who is half here and half there.  I am praying that she let go painlessly, that I don't have to make a decision that she is in pain and would be better off gone.

She has been getting up every two to three hours through the night to get a drink and go out to pee. Last night, she woke me up twice by stepping on my face.  For some reason the top of the bed seemed like the best place to get through.

So I am watching and waiting and trying to find ways to remind her that humans are kind, and she is loved.

Love and hugs from Clare