a very busy week- thanks

Clare,

I've been running for days…
I'm sorry that I've neglected our space.
It was good to hear your voice on Thursday…
I found that group call to be very confusing.

Thanksgiving was fun, low-keyed, and very enjoyable.
My daughter#2 came up on Wednesday afternoon and we began cooking together. She is very calm and loves to chat. Her emotional being has changed so much over the past several years. She is more settled, more thoughtful, less reactive. We chatted and made chocolate mousse pie and pumpkin bread. She had to go back to her apartment in the afternoon. My oldest came home in the late afternoon and we too began to make some of the vegetable side dishes. She was a bit high strung because her friends and former high school classmates go out on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving each year…she loves to fret about who she will run into.
Husband and I went to an interfaith Thanksgiving service in Berks. My responsibility, as a Quaker representative, was to hold silence. I prefaced it with a verse from Simple Gifts, shared 2 weeks before in Meeting for Worship…
'tis a gift to be patient, 'tis a gift to be kind, 'tis a gift to wait to hear another's mind.
From deep within the silence, comes forth truth, 'tis a gift for me, 'tis a gift for you…

I wasn't sure about the third line- so I may have made that up…
but it worked well for the purpose.

My older boy showed up late on Wednesday night- having to work until 10:30…
and the younger stayed at friends' house(s) and came home in the morning. Of course he needed a ride as I was in the middle of some dish I was preparing. He is driving me crazy…he wants to make amends and have a 'clean slate'- unfortunately he may be expelled this week from school, may lose his driver's license, and was late again last night despite being given 'another chance'. I will be very happy when that one is an adult. I love him, but he is so very trying of my patience and good judgement.

Thursday was fun, family gathered, talking, laughing, remembering. I had one small panic moment…
I'm not even sure what initiated it.

Saturday, husband and I shopped at 4 small businesses in the area. I'm trying to buy from small businesses, preferably local ones. It was a great day. We also decorated the mantles- one with fresh greens and the other with a collection of santa claus figurines that we've collected over the years. It was good to pull them out and remember.

I had a day with the young man today- at least an afternoon with him. I picked him up and drove him to visit his grandmother and great grandmother. This was the first time I've seen him since I dropped him off at school that day in early October. It was awkward at first- understandably. He didn't want to talk much on the trip down. We spoke of many safe topics. Once we were at his family's home his grandmother was sternly talking to him. After the fact I learned that she was asking him to make amends with husband and I. She wants both boys living in our house together. I explained that the younger brother does not want to see or hear from husband and I. We cannot be a resource for him because he refuses our help. He won't be coming to live at our house because of his own choices. The older brother has to reach out to all of our children and create relationship or at least ask for another chance. He told me today he is reluctant to contact anyone, except maybe the youngest. Unfortunately the youngest's phone is out of order so that will be difficult. I encouraged him to move out of his comfort zone and connect…
rejection is possible...
rejection is certain to continue if he does nothing.
I was very honest about my views with him- his rejection of relationship is going to be with him for many years to come. The only way to change the outcome is to open himself to someone along the way.
Trust.
Vulnerability.
Excruciatingly difficult.
Incredibly necessary.
I told him I'd take him to visit again before Christmas.
He did tell me that he was planning on running away around the time that I had him moved to another home. He said he knows he would be in a much different place right now if I hadn't acted. It was good to hear that my instincts were on target.

How many times do we forgive?
70 x 7…
isn't that what the bible says.
I'm not very biblical, but I do think that forgiveness is a longterm process.
Forgiveness starts with the decision to consider the other…
a tough place to start.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie