Hi Maggie,
My old dog has passed. I had to make the choice that today was the day, and follow through. I did not like shouldering that responsibility. But I am telling myself that I loved her enough to do it. She has been getting a bit weaker each day. This morning she could no longer use her hips, or her back legs. She would not eat or drink. She started crying a few times.
I sent a note to my close friend who brought her here. She promised to keep up with all the vetting if I took the dog. She has been so true to her word. When I sent the first note, I cried. When she responded with an appointment time after a few exchanges, I cried again. My goal for the day was not to cry during work. I did not succeed.
Luckily I cried while talking to a man I have been working with for so many years. He heard her whine, asked what that was. I said my dog was dying. I asked him to hold while I took her to nephew. I talked about what was happening, then he told me a long bittersweet story about a rescued horse named Chandler Bing. It helped...especially since there is a happy ending.
I took a quick shower the minute I was done with work. I was standing in the water, and I remembered that the family before me had left her outside on a three foot leash for the whole summer. She was afraid of thunder and lightning...how could they do that to her...??? More tears.
She was almost 11 when I got her...three years ago. She was skinny, afraid, nervous,unable to look at anyone's face...her head was always down. She was never normal, not connected like a dog one raises from a puppy would be. But when she started ripping through the screen in my bedroom window because I was out front, I knew she noticed me, wanted my company.
When someone we love dies, we can feel the rip of their spirit from ours.
She was a good dog. She died with such grace. She is buried out back with the other dogs, she is one of us even in death.
I'm probably gong to cry for a little while longer...
Love and hugs from Clare
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