stressed-out joy

Hi Little Sister,

And so, Christmas is stressful if you are central to everyone's plans, it is equally stressful if you are not central to anyone's plans.  Christmas is stressful and confusing and maybe lacking in authenticity, which could be a root of the stress, as well.

I still wonder, each year, what we are celebrating.  Last night I had Christmas carols playing as I decorated. Christ is king resounds over and over.  But he was here to not be a king...His message has been convoluted, which is why I really can't consider myself a Christian. What it means now has nothing to do with the original message.

And as I was listening to these songs, I was hanging a lot of snowmen and Santa Clauses and angels and a cow and a violin...what does these images mean. There is no connect.  It felt crazy.  We have a fish ornament that a friend brought back from Mexico.

One year I did not decorate. Instead, I put candles everywhere.  It was lovely.

I know we are celebrating the Light, the return of Light after surviving the darkest part of the year. So maybe I should ditch the ornaments, and just string lights everywhere.  Maybe that would mean something to me.

I have the creche out, because it belonged to my kids' great-grandmother.  Some of the ornaments are from their grandmother.  Some of the ornaments were made by my kids when they were young.  And every year we laugh at the popsicle stick, wire, and yarn creation made by my middle one when he was quite young...

Is this the point, to revisit memories in the darkest days, to allow us to go forward together, reminded of our connections, into the Lightest, busiest, most public time of year?

Anyway I have been eating sugar. I feel...unhealthy!

You know, parents are not gods, although they/we may seem so. Kids are not formed by us. Each Spirit has a self, a way of understanding, a mission, we come in with.  We have a soul contract with our parents, who will provide some of what we need to fulfill our mission.  You did not create your son.  You helped form his worldview, but he came in with more than you gave him.  You loved him.  You gave him what you thought he needed.  That is being a parent...

He does have to take full responsibility for his actions.  That is how we learn.  He may be getting a rather late start, but he's a smart boy.  He will catch up.

And he will go through a period of hating you. Then he'll learn some valuable lessons,and he'll see it all differently. These are the steps we all go through...just part of being human.

I think I am going to veg out..popcorn and a movie...I am tired and the week ahead will be stressed-out joy!

Love and hugs from Clare