being central

Hi Maggie,

What are we singing?

I'm still wondering if the Christmas Spirit is going to creep up on me and surprise me. I talked to a very poetic man today who told me he simply woke up elated this morning.  He had absolutely no idea why, but everything, all day long, was good.

So I am wondering if Christmas Spirit is an entity of love and joy and merriment and clear sight that sort of grabs you and swallows you when you are least expecting it.

Maybe we need a new song...

Your youngest did want to go to the psychiatrist.  But when he got close, he panicked and blamed it on you. He was lying to himself, and emotionally puking on you.

He needs to take complete responsibility for his actions. Dad protected B#2 over and over.  We know by example that it doesn't work.

The Light is there, my love. Just turn to face it. You are worthy.

We have a storm warning.  We are being advised to stay off the roads from 7p today until 7p tomorrow.  I was going to go shopping with my youngest and my neighbor.  Maybe I'll have to/be able to stay home and do something about this house. If I decorate, will I start to feel the Spirit?

The most fun I have been having is making a menu for Christmas Eve. I expect to spend the day puttering and preparing. It is always fun and relaxing.

For the past few years, I have had almost all my fam here for dinner.  Then they all go home, latish,  and I spend Christmas Eve alone.  It is part of getting older. I wake up alone, and open a few gifts alone. Then I go to join the mash of people in my middle son's small, warm home.  So I am not alone...but there are moments...

I miss when my kids were little and I was vital and central to Christmas.  Now I am part, but it has definitely changed.

Maybe that is why I can't find the Spirit. I'm pouting because I am not central to anyone's celebration...

Ruminating, and sending light and love and hugs...

Clare