Joy and happiness

Clare,

The last post was a lot of questions...
I had a barium swallow this morning...
trying to see why I am still wheezing daily...
minimal reflux.
Now I have cramping through my abdomen as the barium moves through.
I then spent 2 hours with my reiki healer.
My life is kind of a mess.
I'm back into grieving all the lost parts of my life...
or, more accurately, trying not to grieve those lost parts...
so everything is coming out in symptoms...
wheezing and coughing...
fatigue...
uncertainty about my abilities...
and so on.
She wants me to begin to say "I am enough" and "I will learn my lessons through joy and happiness".
I am willing to try that. I may even get it tattooed on my wrist to remind myself.

We talked about my young man. She didn't have much specific insight. She didn't tell me I'm damned for failing. I was secretly dreading hearing something about a karmic curse on my head for failing such an important contract...
it sounds ridiculous to write that...but it's true.
I do feel as if he is still part of my life and I a part of his. I think it was very important to create a boundary and consequence for not respecting that boundary. We've been through all of this before.

The brand of essiac tonic I purchased was recommended by a naturopathic physician who is a friend of mine. I trust her. They got the CBD oil- hopefully it makes a difference. At least they can away they are doing something...I believe mama needs to be able to say that to the world.

I spent over an hour at a clothing store today- trying to use gift cards purchased from a friend to help with her son's catholic school tuition. It's a long story, but they scanned them ($75 worth) and then voided the transaction. When they tried to re-enter the cards they read as zero balance. I stood at the register, watching the manager on hold trying to figure it out...and when I had to leave to make a meeting she told me there is nothing she can do. So I ended up leaving with no merchandise and 3 blank gift cards. I was so frustrated...not even knowing who to be frustrated with. I'm supposed to go back when I have the time for them to call corporate and figure it out...I'm not sure how many hours that will take! Anyway...one of those days

Joy  and happiness...I am enough.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie