worried

Clare,
I'm having a difficult time with this transition.
I want the outcomes to be different.
I want immediate gratification and success…
 but that begs the question who defines that?
I'm not sure which transition I am referring to at this point.
I have so many layers of transition happening I'm not sure what I am looking for.

I haven't heard from the young man in 3 days…
either he's lost his phone (literally or figuratively)…
he's in the angry phase…
or he isn't sure what to say.

I worry about him.

I am worried about Papa and Mama…
she called to tell me there is a lesion in his lung on CAT scan…
they're worried its a metastasis…
I replied, "with 9/18 nodes + it probably is a met"…
I wasn't very compassionate…
I'm not sure why I was so clinical.
She also told me his aneurysm is expanding and he told the vascular surgeon he doesn't want it repaired.
She's predicting he will refuse chemo and radiation because of the spread.
I talked to her about quality versus quantity of life.
She seemed to hear my words.
I was explaining this to my oldest and her significant other…
his response was,"so he's gonna just die?"
I realized the answer to that is, "no, he's going to live…live his days to the best of his ability".
It was comforting to say that out loud.
I'm worried about the two of them.

S#5 is holding it together…
but she can use support- moral support, emotional support, respite from all of the pressure. She is emotionally invested and has a hard time when bad news comes through…
although she's doing better as time goes by…
experience is an amazing teacher.

I attended quarterly meeting yesterday…
I've never attended one before.
It was strange to figure out their relevance with yearly and monthly meeting.
A man started proselytizing and went on for quite some time…
I was wondering when and how it would end…
quietly people began standing up and finally someone interrupted him, thanking him for his message. It wasn't as awkward as I anticipated.

I created a brochure for the trauma recovery program we are creating. I wanted to use a Dharama Doodle on the brochure and reached out to the artist. He gave whole hearted permission to use his doodle called purifying fire…

I am amazed by others' generosity.
The program is coming together. W rare running a pilot in January and February…
hold us in the Light.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie