trying to be kind...really, really

Hi Maggie,

Have you ever seen Jane Elliott's work on blue eyes and brown eyes?  She was inspired by Martin Luther King, Jr.  She did an experiment with elementary aged kids. You should read up on her, if you haven't. Some of her work would apply to what you are doing.

I have been thinking about kindness.  I said that I wanted to be kind to Dad, to family.  Then I remembered, and I may have shared this...I had a huge aloe plant in the window.  The older cat kept climbing in it to bask and nap, smashing part of the plant. I put rocks on the soil.  I put plastic forks in the soil. Then my friend said, move the plant over and put a blanket there.  I looked at him and said, "And I think I am a pacifist..."

The two oldest dogs in residence here like to sleep on my bed. After the drought, we got days of rain, then the temperature went way up.  There were ticks everywhere. I got so paranoid that I closed my door and would not let the girls in. The next morning, when I walked out of my room, I stepped in a pee-puddle.  I immediately assumed it was a retaliatory pee.  But my closest friend said, maybe they were waiting, just waiting outside, then the older, incontinent dog just lost it.

She is kinder than I am.

I read an article today about dealing with difficult people.  Some of the advice given was:  view the situation through their lens. Ask yourself, what are they feeling?  What is my responsibility in this?

And:  remember that insecurity prompts people to behave badly.

So when I am a a big party, I feel overwhelmed and like I want to retreat. I get quiet. Maybe Papa gets bristly.  I think he truly believes he is funny when he is insulting.  Maybe he is using humor to cope with the stress.

What is my responsibility?  I realize I am being judgmental. I am holding him to a Daddy standard he has never met and will never be able to meet.  And when he is not that, I am dismissive like his Dad...see he just failed again.

So how do we break this multigenerational  cycle?

Mom included request for prayers for my youngest in the family letter. So they got my note. I wondered what would happen next, remembered my commitment to kindness, and sent Mom a short note thanking her for praying and asking for prayers.

So she called me this afternoon to ask about my daughter and to say they noted she looked pinched, and a little off.  Not an apology, but I am not being cut out of the family for the next five years.

Our family is making some progress I believe!

My headset is not working, which is making work a pain...and tomorrow a manager is going to listen to me...which means the headset is going to be a bigger deal.

Ah, life...


Love and hugs from Clare

I am holding your youngest in the Light. May his warrior emerge and courage shine forth from him. And may he learn a valuable lesson.