status quo is illusion

Clare,
Transitions are challenging…
but all of life is a transition…
status quo is an illusion.
I prefer to recognize that life is flowing and I'm trying to stay on top of the surf…
sometimes I'm doggy paddling…
sometimes I'm hanging 10.
It's just in the moment when it's so difficult I want to stay STOP…
just let me breathe…
let me think.
I am still coughing after a month.
I cough now if I eat something acidic, go into the cold, or laugh.
I could take steroids and be done…
but I hate taking steroids.
This to shall pass.

At work I am beginning to develop a few projects that I see as important.
This is good. I am pulling together 4 people to discuss a classroom for new moms still in high school…
moms and babies together…
working at their own rhythm and pace…
the flexibility of a cyber instruction…
with both academic support and the support of a "grand mom" to support and encourage breastfeeding, bonding, responding to baby. Creating those vital attachments and finishing their education…
empowering both this generation and the next.
I'm working on this seminar for trauma survivors outside of work…
but I think it will spill over into work eventually.

I am excited to be finding my voice on a county wide level.
I'm offering continuing education credit discussions/lectures for social workers this fall/early winter.
I like having the support of colleagues and peers on a wider level.

I spoke with the young man yesterday. He finally had the courage to call. He is living with a disabled man and his wife. They have 5 foster kids. The dad is relatively uninvolved. The mom gives food clothing, shelter, and bed, and hygiene opportunities. She tells them when to be home for dinner and then again when to be home for the evening. He told me he spends most of his time roaming the streets of the small town he lives in. He got what he thought he wanted…
freedom to roam…
minimal rules…
someone to care for him, not care about him.
I'm not sure if my bias leads me to hear a sense of missing the caring we gave to him. I want to believe that…
but it may just be my wishful thinking.
I told him we still care about him, want the best for him, and are willing to help him.
I clearly told him that we love him, but could not tolerate the way he treated me/us.
I hope he heard that.
He is going to play school basketball- the team has no cuts to the roster- so I told him we'd come to watch him play. I know that will mean a lot to him. I encouraged him to call us, and his grandmother, and his brother. He hasn't talked to anyone since the move.
I apologized for the way the transition happened…
having the caseworker pick him up from school.
I explained our fear that he would run away and endanger himself if he knew ahead.
He admitted he expected it after being caught with the new cell phone. I asked him if he knew that was a "deal breaker" if he bought it- and got caught with it- as a way to push us to remove him from our home. He thinks that's probably true…
although not totally sure.
We talked about a lot of small things. He seemed to want to prolong the conversation…
but wasn't sure what else to say.
I asked him to call again soon. Suggested maybe we can have him here for the holidays if he wants to visit. He seems open to those ideas. It may be ok.

My youngest is home again- he has missed 1 -2 days each week for the past 3 weeks. Headache, fatigue, cough, congestion, body/joint aches. His labs last week showed severe allergies. I had to pick him up last night because he was so dizzy and his head hurt so much he couldn't drive. He wasn't high or drunk. I'm a little worried.

I am also at ease with Papa's decision to live with the cancer. He will need to be seen by a palliative care physician to make sure he remains comfortable throughout this stage of his journey. I will talk with S#5 about this when I see her. I look forward to seeing you this week.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie