in the web

Hi Maggie,

I was working with flower essences years ago and pansy explained the concept of balance.  To be balanced, one must constantly adjust...a little forward, a little back...sometimes almost a topple forward followed by an equal topple back. Less graceful. But, said pansy, when one stands still...that is death.

So I agree with you...

You're coughing too? Maybe we can perform a coughing cantata, a duet with harmony, this weekend.  I am not sure what sets me off. Pretty much anything!

I love the idea of a mama/baby classroom.  I think it is perfect. That is exactly the bonding young moms need. Too often the solution is - 6 weeks old, institutionalize that baby, you have had enough time.  Something I read earlier this week reminded me when we are humane, we leave puppies and kittens with their mamas until at least eight weeks.  It is shocking that we are not so humane with our infants, our precious babies.  We mutely obey corporate orders, and mourn and die inside.

I'm glad you have reconnected with your young man.  He needs to know relationships change, boundaries must be respected, but love goes on.  This may be the most important lesson you can teach him.  Maybe his is the lesson you were called to teach him. Maybe this is the way it was supposed to work out...

I hope your youngest is okay.  What is happening?

 I am more than at ease with Papa's decision. I am feeling a glimmer of respect for him. Perhaps this is where the Light breaks in and transformation takes place...I am still transcribing notes from last weekend...Quakerspeak pervades my brain!!

It is hard to tell the mood of the writer sometime, so I will admit I am giggling...

I am the problem child? And S#3 is the one who can handle me? She was charged with making sure I attended this weekend?

I started calling S#3 regularly after her suicide attempt.  And we started spending more and more time together. We have become close friends. She makes me laugh.  I think that was the natural result of doing the work of reaching out regularly, even if I didn't have much to say.

I am getting teary now...

 Then with this blog...I have been touching in with you almost daily for years. Even when I am blank mess.  I have been faithful to our Light. I have been showing up. And now you are part of the grain of my daily life. I miss you on days you are not here.

And I have been playing on-line Scrabble with S#5 for months - maybe a year or more.  With every play, we send each other a message.  I am in touch with her.  I can feel her quickly.

Before, I always had the sense that it didn't matter if I were there or not - at family gatherings. If I were there, I made it into the photos for posterity. But if I wasn't - who cared. No one was going to miss me. It was all a sham anyway. I didn't talk to any of you for months or even years, then had to show up with my plastic smile and pretend we all knew and cared for each other. Mostly I just wanted to go to my corner, or to go home.

But now I have three sisters.  I have three loving heart connections. I have a place.

I don't think Dad would care if I were there or not. He still doesn't like me very much. Mom would care, but only enough to make me feel guilty.

But I have sisters. I finally have sisters. I am part of the web in a way I have never been part before.

Part of me dreads the reunion. But part of me is calm and expectant.

I love you so much. Thanks for being here with me for all these years.  I appreciate you so much.

Love and hugs and a few tears from Clare