perfect

Hi Maggie,

Time for you and S#5 to spend together right now - perfect.  You are both dealing with taking on too much responsibility, and the effects that sort of hurricaned through your lives.  There are such parallels.  Except her way out will probably be through Dad's death.  Your way out looks like it will be a retreat to a strong position. 

I have been wondering what Mom will want to do.  I don't know if she has ever lived alone before.  I mean she took on everything with us during the years Dad was sent away.  She handled everything.  But it is kind of different when one has children.  There is no stopping, thinking, reflecting....just moving, herding, cooking and feeding.

S#5 told me Mom stayed at her house while Dad was in the hospital.  That is sort of a seed of concern. Will Mom want to live alone? Or will she prefer to live with one of us?

After my ex took off, I took all responsibility.  It has lightened as each one left.  It was incredibly sad when each one left the nest...Would I ever want to live with one of my kids?

Big questions.

Autumn is unusual this year.  The leaves are not turning bright colors and showing off and drawing attention. Instead they are sort of ashamedly fading to their fall color and slipping off the tree.  I wonder why. I wonder what it means.

Had a long talk with Nephew this weekend. He is still reeling from his first serious break up.  And she is messing with him a little. 

We had a discussion about the difference between passion and drama.  Drama is playing mind games.  It is using addictive patterns or family patterns to numb pain. Passion is to be fully engrossed in what you are doing. Passion can be intensely quiet.  Drama is usually something that could be staged for the neighbors.

The ex was in a relationship for several years with someone who was physically abusive.  That is drama. She recognizes drama, she is comfortable in drama. But she names it passion.

We talked about passion being open-hearted and vulnerable. Drama is diving into addictive mess and making it deeper and darker and yuckier.

I think he heard me.  I definitely heard myself.

The high-point of my weekend was getting a haircut. I actually got out for a short while. I came home to a care package from my eldest.  There were lots of veggies, a piece of venison and a $20 bill. I told her the $20 cracked me up, and she said sometimes we just need to find a surprise $20 in life.

Still laughing, but I think she is right!

Glad you got some sister-time...See you in a couple weeks.

Love and hugs from Clare