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Hi Maggie,

It's Dad's voice forever...you are not good enough. No one can say otherwise, because Dad lives in our psyches and in our souls. His is that disgusted voice that repeats inside of everything we do.

And it's most likely my broken record of negativity cycling in my kids' brains. It is so hard to get out of a rut you don't know you are in.

But, hey, you got invited back. People want to hear what you have to say.

He didn't want to end the relationship. But the unhealthy face of substance abuse has reared, changing things, probably irrevocably.  I have long said this blog is about me, not others, so I really don;t want to say any more.  Suffice to say, we have been through this before.  There is not an answer from without.  It has to come from within the person who is numbing.

I think you may be right about Mama. We may all have to invite her for short visits, to give S#5 breaks.

How is S#5 doing? You got to talk to her...And how is your boy?  Have you connected yet?

I share your disgust and horror at what we are learning from released tapes.

A FB "friend", someone I don't know in person, but a man who works in higher education, he said this is the way guys talk.  I remember chatting once, and he pulled everything to the sexual.  I just distanced myself.

But he commented that guys all talk like this. I wanted to respond - You all say this. We all get raped, touched, harrassed, commented on.  Is there a connection?

I was talking to another man in another country. I commented that part of the Trump fortune came from prostitution. It showed a family attitude toward women.  This man responded that the type of women who would spend time with an entitled, white rich boy would basically be a prostitute. He has learned that he can just kiss who he wants. He can just grab any pussy he would like.

He is so sheltered, he has no idea that he is a pig.  He has no idea that real men don't treat women like this.  He has no idea that there are women who won't do anything for money.

I also contend that no little girl wants to be a prostitute. She has to be objectified, and it has to happen young.

I think having Barack Obama in power helped lead us to Black Lives Matter.  And now, with having to stomach this chauvinistic, entitled white guy who has no idea that he is offensive, paired with the possibility of a female leader...it is bringing our innate sexism into the Light.

I still want Bernie. for a short time I actually believed in our political system. But all the Democratic rigging has reinforced my belief - it is all a drama. None of it is real.

Still coughing. Still weak.  Still sick of being sick.

Love and hugs from Clare