we wait...

So, Maggie,  how do we help those homeless kids?  In my life, they are invisible.  But I feel so strongly that homelessness and hunger are a moral issue.  I am so impressed that you are doing something to help someone.

The problems are so overwhelming...I get lost in them sometimes.

I agree with you about the news Mom sent. I mentioned it to my psychic neighbor and she confirmed my feelings.  So far, I feel numb.  I feel lost. I feel like I have to tell my kids to get down and visit one last time. We get there so infrequently...

My neighbor said something intriguing.  She said when certain people, people who have hurt us,  pass, we get a sense of peace.  I am wondering if that is true. I wonder if we release. Or I wonder if it is because we are now connected to a spiritual being.

I remember attending a widow's support group once when I was writing for the paper.  One of the women laughed and said no matter how much of a SOB he was when he was alive, once he dies he becomes a saint.  That was so curious to me...

But I recently attended a memorial service, where the daughter spoke. She said her mom was an alcoholic when she was a child.   But her mom stopped drinking when she became a grandmother.  The daughter had a lot of anger and resentment, and she vowed to herself that she would never be one of those people who forgot, and talked about their sainted mother....BUT...she witnessed, she felt, she participated in her mother's spiritual transformation, and she understood who her mother was, as she shed this persona. And she became one with those who forgive and love.

Will that happen for me? Will it be easier to communicate with Dad once he sheds this pain-filled, angry shroud of a person he has been carrying all this lifetime?

I tried to remember when Pop passed.  I don't think I perceived him as being the source of pain at that point, so I didn't exactly understand.  Not living around Mom and Dad, I don't know if Dad changed or not - once his abuser was gone from this plane.

Do I want to talk to Dad before he passes?  I have to think about what I want, what I need.  If I need him to say he is sorry, and that he loves me, I know I will not go talk to him.  Why take that broken heart into my crone years?  What do I want from him? What do I need from him?

Right now it is all melodramatic demands...Did you ever love me kind of bull crap.  Or even, did you ever even like me?  Totally unproductive drama...

I guess what I need to think about is what do I want for closure...Once I know, I trust Spirit will make way for us to both be vulnerable and for peace and love to happen...

It is way past my bedtime...I loveyou so much Sister...

Clare