clarity

Clare,

Thanks for the sounding board…
my emotions are real and valid…
but sometimes they seem less important when I hear the reflected back to me.

No I did not warn everyone that I wanted a celebration…
but I want someone to acknowledge my journey.
I guess I thought husband would mention something…
last year I mentioned on the 25th that it was my 1 year anniversary,
he corrected me that the date was actually the 26th.
I guess I want to be special…
everyone wants to feel special.

I spent hours with my young man today…
driving to and from a doctor's appointment.
He was able to discuss many frustrations.
I was able to share some observations and frustrations too.
He feels we are trying to control him too much when it comes to relationships (with dad) and spending his money. We have asked him to wait at least one week before making any major purchase…
he wants a tablet with a keyboard…
he's changed his mind 3 times about which one he wants…
tomorrow is the day he can order it…
he wants to be able to spend his earnings any way he wants to.
I explained that when husband and I agreed to welcome him into our family that meant more than food/clothing/shelter…
it's a package of discipline and lessons about living a life…
a life within our means…
setting priorities and triaging choices.
He seems to understand, but still doesn't like it.
I explained that the dad stuff is on hold until I get clarification from the CYS worker about the rules…
then we will address that subject.

I went to a crystals workshop last night. I can feel vibrational energy from some of them…
but I don't get really excited about them. My friends were taking notes and asking questions…
I don't really get it.
The teacher had one interesting idea though. She soaks her crystals in essential oils or 'florida water' and makes 'gem elixirs' that carry the properties of the crystals. She compared it to flowers essences…
you might understand that better than I do.

So Papa Delana has an aggressive bladder tumor…
not sure of the depth of invasion at this point.
I'm assuming that S#5 conveyed this info to you.
I'm not surprised he's refusing chemo…
he doesn't do well with discomfort and stress.
I think he'll have surgery for Mama Delana's sake…
but I am not optimistic about this.
I have to find out more about the tumor type from S#5.
It will be insightful to see how we all move through this.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie