struggling today

Clare,

I love the prayer…
it comes from your center…
there is truth in it.
Loving ourselves is an important step in life…
or maybe accepting ourselves, flaws and all is the goal.
I need to do some acceptance of my own body and its changes too. I had a sense of coming to peace with my 'lady lumps' during yoga yesterday morning. I'm having some revisions on them in August and then maybe I'll decorate them with tattooed lace as I've been toying with.

As for your oldest…
many strong women have raised children alone.
It's challenging…
and tedious...
but she can do it if she chooses that path.
She will find her way.

I am struggling today.
No one in my family acknowledged that today is my "survivor day"…
I had to call it to their attention. That makes me feel unimportant.
On top of that I found out last night that my young man had his father visit him at work…
I'm not sure why this is bothering me so much.
He has been texting him…
told him where and when he works…
and then announced he was surprised that 'dad' had visited.
I feel so ambiguous about this. Part of me feels as if he's sneaking and being dishonest. I've offered to take him to a meeting with 'dad'. He's always refused. I've been told by the CYS worker that he shouldn't visit without supervision…
I'm not sure if that's an order or a preference…
I have to check on that.
But, why am I feeling hurt and betrayed by this action?
I am confusing myself here.
I know continued contact is important…
but it seems that I feel I have to be in control…
I'm not sure that's legitimate or not.
I am not sure what I feel or want.
It's not supposed to be about me though…
I'm trying to do good here…
but I'm feeling taken advantage of.
The scariest part is that I hear Papa Delana's voice arising in my head…
saying less than supportive things.
This is harder than I thought it would be.
Patience with myself and my young man.
that's what I need.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie