birthing day x 2

Clare,
We are at a quiet impasse right now.
The previous two days were so full of drama I am questioning if they are real or not.
Incessant ranting and raging…
openly defiant…
hateful abuse patterns.
2 days of terror- inside of him.
Taunting and cursing at us to prevent us from sleeping.
Defiantly saying every curse word he has ever known.
Hours and hours of energy expended.
I took him to a reiki appointment and he berated me the whole drive (2 miles) and tried to exit the moving vehicle. I thought about your previous comment about allowing myself to remain in an abusive space and refused to pick him up. He was furious, but got a ride home. I told him I refuse to allow myself to be abused.
I told him a lot of things…
"I love you enough for the both of us" kept coming up with his stinging sarcastic "I hate you".
I also let him rant without comment…
I remained calm, but not passive. At one point he asked how hurt I was feeling- I offered him my wrist and told him to "check my pulse" I was calm and responding. I was trying to mirror mood modulation and coping skills for him- and my oldest and young man who were witnesses to this rant.

It is calmer today.
I just had a massage and a spirit guide came into the room. His name was kruzschev (phonetic). He told me to ask for help and guidance. I told him I have been but cannot seem to find any. He told me to go and gaze into the water at my own reflection and I will find help there. I think it was my youngest's guide…not mine. I am off to sit by the pond at my horse barn and see if I find help.

The good thing about yesterday was that I was stuck at home monitoring the situation and got a lot of cleaning done…I channeled my stress into cleaning.

I only "kind of heard" that your oldest was pregnant. S#3 knew at your party and told me, but your  oldest didn't talk to me about it. Congratulations on another grand baby.

My garden is not doing great. I weeded it yesterday- hopefully cleaning it up will allow the vegetables to grow well.

Happy birthing day x 2 sister.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie