why stay?

Clare,

I survived the family gathering…
it was not as bad as I anticipated.
B#1 and his daughter were there.
I spent time talking with her and S#5 about careers and staying open to leadings that change your planned course. Our niece is contemplating a new direction that will entail a lot more education. I encouraged her to proceed, consider the best options to get where she wants to be. It was good to talk with her. I cannot remember having a conversation with this niece since before she went to college. I like her. B#1 was in a good mood. didn't have a lot to say. His wife did not come, she had a cough and decided to stay home.

B#4 was alone also…
his son and family decided not to come.
He is one of my favorite people…
even though I don't agree with him on a lot of things.
I do feel heard and seen by him.

He told me that B#2 never came by his house to pick up my Christmas card…
I was told to send it to B#4's house and it would get there. He did hear that there were cards waiting for him, so at least he heard that we reached out to him. It must be incredibly lonely to be in his skin.
He maintains the isolation…
I worry about his future…
it might be short if he doesn't get out of this depression.

Seeing Mom and Dad was nice…
nothing really substantial to report…
they never really want to talk…
or listen.

I took my older Friend to Meeting today. She just turned 92 and is struggling with arthritic knees. Today she was very matter-of-fact that she doesn't think she has much time left. I cried quietly and listened to her. She is not afraid. She just senses life will be ending soon. I pray it is a quick, painless passing. She expressed much gratitude for my help over the past several years. I assured her that I get as much out of our friendship as she does. She laughed and said she couldn't imagine how. I explained that our mother is distant and not really connected emotionally. I don't feel as if I can take difficult topics to her. But, my older Friend is always ready to listen and advise. She is so wise and sincere. She was embarrassed and shrugged off my comments…but she heard me. She heard me tell her that she is a mother to me and how much I appreciate and love her for that. Helping others really is an opportunity for everyone involved.

I'm sorry your dog is sick…
mine do the same things.
Then she lays around for days and mopes…
unless there is food around…
she still begs.

I'm busy preparing my new course for the spring semester. It is a combination of 3 courses I've previously taught, so I just have to pull material from those lectures…but it is time consuming.

I wonder who it was that we are/were escaping? I think it is more that we were taught to separate and disappear. No one was encouraged to stay close to home. If you look at our younger sisters who did marry and live close to home, they weren't particularly supported. Dad was mean to their husbands and, with the exception of S#4's oldest daughter, not nice to the grandkids. I think we are genetically nomads…and moving away is part of our heritage…Saami, right? Although I think they would have been nomadic within family groups. The parents did the best they could-under the circumstances.
If you're not valued…why stay?

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie