all or nothing

Clare,

But I saw something today. Someone was displaying and discussing a lotus - arguably one of the most perfect flowers on Earth. And it grows in the swamp.  It takes swamp conditions to create that beauty…

I really like that thought. We have previously written that the swamp is especially fertile ground. We are working in a good space.

I am warming to the younger boy…
he is very quiet, but has a remarkable smile. He was more outgoing at Christmas, especially with my youngest. The older one is critical of the younger…
I think he's trying to groom him to make him more "acceptable"…
to avoid another rejection…
I hate that they anticipate the next rejection.
I had a long talk with husband last evening…
he's concerned about the "unknowns" of taking the boys in…
he spends his time considering all that could go wrong…
I keep trying to challenge him to see the opportunities inherent in new relationships…
he's always been afraid of change.
He literally will make himself sick when something is inevitable and out of his control.
We've agreed to invite them for visits and then move into overnights if all goes well.
I worry, if something happens, his knee-jerk will be to cut them off.
For me it's an all or nothing at this point…
any further rejections may not be tolerable to them.
I know how hard it is to feel worthy of love and belonging in my own life.
Holding all of this in the Light.

I have to talk to my office manager tomorrow about probably taking another job in January. I don't want to be a jerk and tell them at the last minute. I'll have to reassign my clients to other therapists before I leave. It's funny, I'm not really torn about this decision at all. I will miss some of the clients, but I know they will be well cared for.
I'm so excited about this new opportunity with the community organizing non-profit. Each time I speak to the director I get even more certain it is the right place for me. She invited me to begin attending meetings in January to begin the transition.

I hope that you are safe and warm. We are having freezing rain tonight.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie