Christmas Eve-Eve

Hi Maggie,

I have a moment - finally!  I worked, wrote reports, then helped Nephew with a turkey he smoked for a friend of his girlfriend's.  He got it, though.  He didn't really need help.  Then the baby came, and the girlfriend came and the neighbor came...and I just kept cooking.  S#3 Skyped in, looking for a sane moment, and our baby noticed first and was running around screaming Bobby!  Bobby!  The kids barked and meowed at each other...And the boyfriend came for the baby, and Nephew and his girl left, and it is quiet.  Except for Christmas carols - although the current selection is Pachelbel's Canon. And I have 45 minutes while the custard for tomorrow night steams. And, oh, I talked to all of my local kids this afternoon.

I love it. I love the chaos of large family, and making sure we are organized. We had a pan trade this afternoon - a cookie pan for Boyfriend in exchange for a turkey roaster...

And I miss the other-coast kids soooo much.  I would love to have them in the middle of the chaos.

I turned on the Christmas carols, and sort of fell apart for a few minutes.  I have such a hard time with the religious ones, but they are the traditional ones. I am tired of Let It Snow and Santa Baby.  They don't seem like Christmas songs...I wasn't sure what to listen to. But I remember being about 6 years old, it was Christmas time and the songs started playing  everywhere, and I was fascinated because I could sing them all. I was astounded by my memory.

But then I made rye bread, and felt the Swedish grandma's around me, and I centered into celebrating the coming of the Light, just as we have done for generations.

I'm not exactly feeling the Christmas Spirit, but I am feeling a calm expectation.  It was strange, but when everyone was here and the phone was ringing a lot, I felt like it was an inhalation.  When everyone left and silence descended, it was like an exhalation, now I am in a thicker silence.  It is a special silence.

I love this alone, but I wonder if this is all there is - me and the dogs and the spatting cats.

I can't wait to hear about your latest session.  I appreciate being able to learn vicariously!

It's almost next year...that is in front of my mind.  Neighbor says this will be a year of huge changes for me, for my family, and also in general. And we know she is generally right!

So - rye bread, pandoro, and chocolate chip cookies - the recipe I used when my babies were babies...I can do it!!

Love and hugs from Clare