Post-holiday analysis...

Your holiday sounded nice.  Nice sounds so wimpy and unimaginative...but it's also - nice.  Mine had it's ups and downs, but mostly ups, which was also nice.

Thanksgiving was small.  And so we had a chance to really talk.  I think there were 6 of us.  The next day, early, a friend of my daughter's came for the weekend along with her two-year-old, and then S#3 arrived in the late afternoon with her oldest, and her 3 grandchildren.  Two more of my kids arrived, along with their dad.  I wasn't expecting them for dinner and so the rush was on for me to produce something - basically rework some leftovers.  It worked.  The next morning my two local grandkids arrived, along with another friend of my daughter's.  And did I mention that I was dog-sitting 3 dogs?  It was controlled chaos, it was loud.  It was lovely.  My oldest stood in the middle of all the activity and declared, "This is what Thanksgiving should be like - all this family!!"

We're going to do it again next year.  On Saturday, we made ornaments.  On Sunday we decorated cookies.

I was thinking about isolation, and realized, my situation isn't quite changing, but it actually is as more and more people are coming to me.  It's different...

After the friend with the toddler, then S#3 left and it got quieter with just me and 3 grandchildren.  One of my closest friends stopped in.  I realized she is less 'friend' and more 'family'.  Life is changing...

One thing I noticed, and thought about in the middle of the night, and wanted to share with you here, is about the baby.  My granddaughter is 7 months old now.  She has met her grandfather about three times, for a short time each time.  To her - he is a stranger.  He insisted on holding her.  She didn't know him and was in a lot of distress.  He didn't seem to notice - well he noticed that she was screaming - but he didn't seem to notice that she was choosing - No!  Don't touch me.

The baby uses gestures, postures, tension, then voice to convey her wishes.  When we know a child, it is easy to see the language.  But we ignore it.  We just do what we wand and expect the baby to accept.  I was thinking about this being the root of dysfunction - not "listening" to infants.  Not respecting their personhood.

Long weekend.  I'm tired...

Love to you,  Clare

(Still chuckling about the wedgie...)