ambivalence

Congratulations…your family just officially grew. I know that you embraced your new daughter-in-law as your own…but now it is official.

It's funny…I have such mixed feelings tonight about holidays, and babies, and kids.
I am really excited that my kids are all under one roof, we decorated the tree…although my older son refused to participate…he just laid on the couch and watched…I don't really know how to make him feel a part of everything…so I make sure he knows he's welcomed and encouraged to be a part of everything…sometimes even forcing him to be present…I just don't want him to ever look back and think he wasn't wanted.

I am feeling pressure from husband for some unknown reason…he is coming home stressed and subtly angry…but not really able to express his frustration. We've been talking. He's been stressed about a co-worker/employee who is ill…but he doesn't think that's the problem. Tonight he was trying to push everyone to decorate and then he ended up n the phone for an extended period of time with the cable company and DISH network…I just don't get it. He then announced that he is working Christmas and when did the kids want to open presents…very early or wait until afternoon when he finishes…he wanted everyone to say wait until afternoon…but he just got angry when they were suggesting getting up really early to open gifts. He left for a short period to drop a car off and the kids said, "Why did he even ask? It was obvious what he wanted". I sometimes don't understand him…except that he never likes to make decisions…he wants to go along with a decision…I am not sure if that is a way of deflecting responsibility or just indecisivness. Anyway, he left and I told them they have to sleep in and wait to open gifts…they're agreeable.

I am very excited about our new grandniece…
but my daughter relayed her parents Facebook battle over her name.
It makes me sad that chronological adults are acting like adolescents, especially when it comes to an innocent, perfect baby. I hate it when babies become pawns.

I am starting my orientation at the counseling center on Monday. I start seeing clients after the first of the year. I am starting 2 days a week and then expanding my hours as the client load increases. I am really excited…but nervous…the 'what if's' are starting to play in my brain…It will all work out…I am good with people and helping them to see different aspects of issues. I just need to get my feet wet.

My semester is officially over. I gave a final, graded them and uploaded the final grades today. It feels good to finish a task. Now I have to start looking over next semester's curriculum.

I have to get back to the family. I have a busy week/weekend…I am seeing Hamlet tomorrow at daughter#2's high school. Saturday night I am going to a Tony Bennet christmas concert with husband. And then Sunday we are taking daughter#2 into NYC for a show…one of her Christmas presents. I am going to be exhausted after this weekend…but it will all be good. So that wet, sloppy weather will meet us as we walk around Manhattan.

Love and Light,
Maggie