My Bad Day

Hah!  I bet my poor-me day is more dramatic than your poor me day.  Or at least equal!  On Thursday night my computer died.  And I did what I always do...I called S#3 and whined.  Our sister is exhausted.  Between professional deadlines and her daughter's babies, she is pushing herself too hard.  But we had a good laugh about the milk spilled into the clean laundry, and one little tyke's attempts to hide broken Christmas balls.

I read the computer message to her, and she said I was going to have to take it in.  I called my computer guy and he said it sounded like the hard drive would have to be replaced.

So I had a good cry.  I have been working extra hours 4 days of every week, trying to get through Christmas and into January without too much stress.  But the extra money will have to be spent on a computer.  I had that overwhelming feeling that I just can't get ahead, no matter how hard I try.

I went outside into the Solstice dark and said, out loud, "It's not supposed to be this way.  There is always supposed to be enough for all.  We are supposed to live together, and have enough.  There should not be homelessness or hunger or such stress just trying to avoid those options."  And I felt a sense of joy.  I felt like someone or something was acknowledging me, listening to me.

Life has ups and downs, and if the worst that happens is my computer goes down - during Christmas week - well then I'm pretty lucky.

This truth was settling with me when it was slammed home, right into my heart.  One of my grandchildren had a nevus removed.  It was biopsied and the cells are atypical.  I feel confident that all is well, but there is a vulnerability about simply existing in this time before the monster has a name.  The doc made an immediate appointment to excise the edges and check a node.  So we wait, with hearts open, sending love and prayers.

My computer guy called after that and let me know that I have to replace my computer.  It would cost more to repair than the machine is worth.  That was not in the budget - but hey, we're healthy and basically happy and it's stressful, but the stress will pass quickly.

So I have a new-to-me computer.  Merry Christmas to me!

I planned to clean house, put up the Christmas tree, and move firewood, since the weather was nice.  Instead, I spent much of the day on the phone, dealing with the computer and having people pop in.  The tree is decorated, because my youngest finished it.  The house is a disaster.  I am    tired - sort of shell-shocked.  But we made it...

I hope the concert was amazing.  I hope tomorrow is an even better day...

I love you,

Clare

-Just rereading your last posts...what we are doing is hard and scary, even with each other.  If anyone else is ready, they'll talk.  Then we'll have three stories woven together, and a deeper understanding of what happened to us all.  If we all participated, it would be a lot to process, but the understanding would be deep and wide and no one could avoid it!

Someone has to go first, and right here, right now, it;s you and me, sister!